This post has been a long time coming and I’ll explain why in a bit.  But I’m sitting here at my desk going through many emotions.  Part of me feels sad, guilty, happy and excited all at the same time.  How can all those feelings be going on?  Well, I believe that there are times in our life where we are stuck.  Stuck in career, relationships, family and friends and we resist the change that it requires us to move forward.  We try too hard perhaps to please, to fix, to analyze.  But wait…can we really please, fix and analyze?  Maybe sometimes, but for how long?…it’s like a never ending game.

In some ways we are all pleasers and fixers.  There are times where we need to reflect and evaluate us.  That’s taking control of our life, our path, energy and our feelings.  I’m one of those people who gets numerous emails/phone calls to tell me how to run my own business, how not to do this and that, to tell me what they think of me…whether good or most likely bad.  Emails of pleasant words to the extreme filled hatred curse filled rants.  I lead a different life than most:  traveling to places I once only dreamed about, walking through woods/bush to search missing people, consulted by police/detectives, sitting across from family members who cry and beg for help, those messages from phone/email that call me selfish (among other words) because I do not do this work for free, booking appointments via my assistant/email, rescheduling due to many reasons, waking up in the middle of the night because of dreams/visions with no one else to turn to that would understand (it’s not uncommon for me to only get 3hrs of sleep)…my many labels given by others are: healer, blessing, money hungry, ugly, beautiful, fraud, funny….So who am I really?  What really matters are those who actually take the time to know me, to experience my work in a non judgemental way.  Who are you?

In David Deida’s book The Way of the Superior Man, he talks about how you must be willing to change everything in your life when necessary. A man must be prepared to give 100% to his purpose, fulfill his karma or dissolve it, and then let go of that specific form of living. He must be capable of not knowing what to do with his life, entering a period of unknowingness and waiting for a vision or a new form of purpose to emerge. These cycles of strong specific action followed by periods of not knowing what the hell is going on are natural for a man who is shedding layers of karma in his relaxation into truth.

All of the above thoughts and feelings in less than 5 minutes!  Extreme?  Perhaps…but it works for me.  I don’t force myself to feel a certain way, I sit in the emotions and do not think.  But sit still and listen.  Like waiting for a shy bird to land nearby to hear it’s song and then it happens.  The almost silent ‘voice’ of spirit begins to speak.  The conversation goes something like this:  (Spirit = S; Me = M)    S: “Is this your problem, or theirs.”  M: “No it’s not my problem, well in some ways I suppose it is, I mean I could change things in my schedule, or….” S: “Have you made changes before?”  M: “Yes I have made changes before, perhaps I’m not making the right changes.”  S: “You are over analyzing.  Can you make more changes.”  M: “There are more changes I could make, but…” S: “Buts are excuses, there is no possible way to please everyone as some will always find the fault, are you willing to play that game?” M: “I don’t want to play the game, the game is not fun.” S: “Then don’t play it and be happy.”

Barb Powell